Statisfied: Most Boring Fans

Edit – Blog Updated: Now with added Normalisation!

Who among us hasn’t tried to invent ever more ingenius ways of doing ANYTHING other than what we’re actually paid to do during the daily grind?  Who among us hasn’t spent time fulfilling amazing feats of procastination and trying to work out how much money we’ve been paid during the time we’ve spent not working while at work?  Who among us hasn’t spent time looking up statistics to find out who the Football League’s most tiresome fans are?  Well, I’m probably the only one who’s done the latter.

Inspired by a tweet from Bournemouth fan Narrow The Angle (author of the excellent blog of the same name) I decided to investigate who the Football League’s most devestatingly dull fans were.  The premise, as inspired by NarrowTheAngle, was that fans of clubs who come onto your team’s message board with the following post are incredibly dull:

Hi, <insert generic team> fan in peace … <Insert generic usually patronising statement/question about your club>.

It’s the “…fan in peace” bit which is irrationally irritating.  Mostly because it’s quite clear you’re “in peace”, you tool.  When you’re not in peace your post begins:

Hahaha your team is shit loool!!!1!!11!! <My team> ftw.  My team pwned your team.  You is loserz lol.

These posts mostly appear in the school holidays; funny that.  Besides, we invariably know that our team is shit.  We have to watch that dross every week.  We don’t need some armchair-supporting, FIFA 11-playing, X-Box Live-subscribing wazzock telling us what we already know about our teams!

So, I enlisted the help of the Google to help me find out the most boring fans in the Football League based on the number of times a fan of that club had said “…fan in peace”.  The experiment was quite simple: Google the exact phrase (using quotation marks) searching for different fans by club name and nickname.  E.g. searching for “Crystal Palace fan in peace”, “Palace fan in peace”, “Eagles fan in peace” and “CPFC fan in peace”.  The results were ‘normalised’ by dividing the number of Google Results by the average attendance of the club, and multiplying by 10,000 (to get a whole number).  This way, big clubs won’t artificially be top.  If you’re bored of this blog already, stop reading now.  It doesn’t get anymore interesting than this.

This highly scientific method yielded took about eight hours of work time and yielded some interesting results.  We’ll look at it by league:

Championship:  By far and away the most boring fans were Leeds fans, having said “Leeds fan here in peace (or derivatives thereof) nearly 18,000 times and with a score of nearly 7000 on the boring scale.  The next most dull were Forest fans, with nearly 8,000 utterances of the deadly dull phrase and a score of 3,500.  The least dull fans were Burnley and Millwall, who only mentioned the phrase 10 times, though with Millwall not exactly renouned for turning up “in peace”, that might explain it.  Given the number of fans they have, Pompey only turning up “in peace” 19 times on the Interweb was surprising.

Championship's Most Dull Fans (Leeds)

Championship's Most Dull Fans (Leeds)

League One:  Again, there’s a runaway leader, and with nearly 9,000 uses, Sheffield Wednesday fans are the most likely to come onto your message board in peace.  Even accounting for their large fan base (and therefore normalisation), they’re still top.  Thank god there’s no Sheffield Wednesday Band smiley on message boards, otherwise I’d have to pemanantly log off.  Honorable mentions to Brighton (who, despite their small attendance, feature highly due to the normalisation process), Southampton and Posh.  Carlisle and Colchester United (8) are the most likely to stick to their own message forums and not turn up in “peace” asking how your manager is doing.  Mostly because, in Colchester’s case, they’re too busy losing their own managers to care.

New Normalised Pie Chart.  Sheffield Wednesday still top of the Dull League.

New Normalised Pie Chart. Sheffield Wednesday still top of the Dull League.

League Two:  Oxford United take the accolade of most tedious fans in League Two.  430 times we’ve had “Oxford fan in peace” on message fora.  Bradford, Torquay and Gillingham were up there with most tiresome fans.  In Gillingham’s case, it’s most probably because of our fans’ reputation of being a bunch of moody-gold wearing pikeys (I just sold my soverign ring to webuyyourgold.com) so we need to disarm opposing fans before lurching into banal football chat.  Honorable mentions to Accrington Stanley (who are they?) and Macclesfield Town with no utterances of the soporiphic phrase anywhere on the Internet.  My guess is that they haven’t yet discovered fire the Internet in these cosmopolitan towns of the North.

League Two Dull Fans: WTF is this chart?

League Two Dull Fans: WTF is this chart?

Summary:  The most tedious and patronising fans of the football league are fans of Leeds (who knew?), Forest, Sheffield Wednesday, Southampton and Oxford, whilst Gillingham fans are pikeys, Accrington Stanley is still in the 1970s and Millwall fans are not peace-loving hippies.

Of course, with teams with larger fan bases featuring prominantly, it renders these surveys moot.  But then, this was more a blog about my procastinatin than a serious look at the most dull football fans anyway (we all know that Charlton fans win that accolade anyway, right?).

Boring fans, a boring blog post.  It’s Friday and I’m unmotivated.

PS – if anyone would like a copy of the spreadsheet I compiled this data on, please feel free to email me at imtoosadforwords@footballgeekerysadbastard.com.  Alternatively, follow me on Twitter: @halftimewhistle.

This entry was posted in Not Serious. Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Statisfied: Most Boring Fans

  1. Maxi Hobbs says:

    HA, liking the idea here. Also liking the fact Poxford top the league 2 table (the only one they will be topping for sure!)

    Just seems it points towards the most supported teams of each division. If you were really bored you could work out a % by taking the clubs average attendance! It’s tedious believe me, it’s something I did for my dissertation regarding forums and attendances!

    Don’t blame you if you don’t mind, I’m guessing it doesn’t hinge on a university degree in your case!!

  2. Damon says:

    This is excellent news, with Leeds, Sheff Weds and Bradford all prominent tedes we can deduce that Yorkshire’s murst boring plairce in’t countreh.

  3. Maxi, that’s the second time someone suggested that. I’m now going to have to add another column to my spreadsheet to add the normalisation in. I suppose I could just get on with some actual work? Nah, it’s Friday…
    RealFACup – I thought you were pissed until I re-read that in the Yawkshire accent.

  4. Scott-Andrew-William says:

    To be fair, it’s a little unfair on Sheffield Wednesday considering; their fan base is the biggest in L1 and probably the world.

  5. Can’t argue with that Scott. Well, I could, but I won’t. Blog updated with new spreadsheet geekery to ‘normalise’ the results using a leveller so that teams with high fan bases don’t artifically appear at the top. Guess what, Leeds STILL top.

  6. bolly1988 says:

    How bored you must have been to do this.

  7. Andy says:

    Wednesday fan in peace here….

    you boring fvcwit

  8. Hi Andy, blogger in peace here…

    Your team is shit lolz!!!11!!1!!! And you iz all jokerz innit. Lolz.

  9. LUFC says:

    Just a quick reminder – it’s Leeds UNITED. Quite poor journalism to include Leicester City and Cardiff City, but forget Leeds “United”.

    And we probably have a fanbase that’s several times larger than your average CCC club. Not a suprise really. Good idea though. ;)

  10. Simon says:

    Oxford fan in peace. Love the post.

    That is all.

  11. Dannyboy says:

    I’m having pizza and red wine.

  12. theowlsman says:

    We have a phrase at owlstalk that seems appropriate.

    Nobber!

  13. bolly1988 says:

    This is a online survey…….. Leeds United, Nottingham Forest, Sheffield Wednesday, Southampton and could possibly say Oxford for being in League 2, even thought have never met one yet, probably have the best supporters in the country with travelling or at home, this is online crap.

  14. rob edwards says:

    Who are Herford???

  15. Ed says:

    You have to laugh at all the Leeds and Wednesday fans who either cannot read or don’t understand the concept of the figures having already been normalised to compensate for any skew in the size of their fanbase. Either that or they really do enjoy reminding people of what massive clubs they really are. Which one is it? Hmmm, all three I would guess.

  16. . says:

    Thanks for wasting your time and mine for reading this you posh southern cunt

  17. Dear Mr Full Stop, (or Mr Period, I’m not sure how to pronounce your name, but I feel that naming you after a bloody cunt is probably apt): I’m sorry I wasted your time, but in fairness to me I did post a warning. And I quote:

    “If you’re bored of this blog already, stop reading now. It doesn’t get anymore interesting than this.”

    You should have read up to that bit within 53 seconds – I know, I timed it (don’t believe me? Look at this article FFS, of COURSE I timed it). I’ve wasted more time than that accidentally clicking on links to Rick Astley singing and Justin Bieber YouTube videos.

    Like you, I hate the Internet sometimes.

  18. Fat Nakago says:

    Norwich fan in peace….

    Sod off you dopey wanker!! :P

  19. lukey15 says:

    Bahaha, brilliant piece of analysis and wit (pity I’m a year-and-a-half late with my admiration)..

  20. Hollis says:

    This is a comment to the admin. Your website is missing out on at least 300 visitors per day. I have found a company which offers to dramatically increase your traffic to your website: http://voxseo.com/traffic/ They offer 1,000 free visitors during their free trial period and I managed to get over 30,000 visitors per month using their services, you could also get lot more targeted visitors than you have now. Hope this helps :) Take care.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s