Cold Turkey

Five minutes into the second half of England’s 1-1 draw with the USA and one man was sweating profusely.  England’s Jamie Carragher (time on pitch: five minutes) was doing his best impression of a Lee Evans concert (you know, the ones where you wouldn’t want front row tickets) with the temperature hovering at around the 13 degrees centigrade mark.

Jamie Carragher - 5 minutes in

Jamie Carragher after 5 minutes

Looking like he was on a major comedown from crack, ‘Carra’ lumbered, oafed, and capitulated his way through 45 minutes of action.

Jamie Carragher 15 mins in

After a full 15 minutes of game time

Outpaced, out-witted, out-played, out-footballed, out his depth, and (God willing) out of the side.  Hopefully waking up with a horse’s head in his bed, courtesy of Don Capello, Carragher demonstrated why his rat-faced-crap-moustachioed nemasis Gary Neville, the less shit Neville brother, should have been called up as an emergency right back instead.  Able to cross the halfway line without getting a nosebleed, and keep pacy players such as Bellamy in check, Rat Boy surely would have been a better option than Carragher?

I dread to think what Fernando Torres does to him every day in training, but the far less pacy Adam Johnson ripped him to shreds before being culled from the squad for, erm, Shaun Blind-Alley-Wright-Phillips.  Seemingly a dead cert to concede a penalty against the USA, Carragher nevertheless managed to provide plenty of comdey in his 45 minute cameo appearance.  A full thirty minutes in and Carragher looked absolutely shagged, bringing down Buddle and getting skinned by Altidore.

Jamie Carragher shagged

A full 30 minutes in for heroin addict Jamie Carragher

With Ledley King in desperate need of a new body, will we have to rely on a man who looks like Lee Evans on a comedown from a three-day smack and crack binge?  Calamity Green?  England have far more pressing worries.

@ lawyers – Jamie Carragher has probably never touched heroin in his life.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Not Serious, World Cup. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Cold Turkey

  1. Pingback: Handbags on Merseyside: Lawrie the Troll | The Half-time Whistle

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s