It took less than a week for someone to surpass the buffoonery necessary to award a World Cup to Quatar (population: 1.5 million), but just when Newcastle were becoming a respectable club, staying out of the limelight while quietly picking up decent results, Mike Ashley stepped up to remind us that he is the ringmaster of a circus of shit.
That sounds harsh, and this is by no means a criticism of the Newcastle team, who’ve played very well this season picking up some good results, having recently thrashed Sunderland in the derby and picking up a point against Chelsea with no centre halves. Nor is it a criticism of their fans, who appear to have learnt the art of managing expectations. No longer are they demanding Top 4 finishes and big name signings. Calmly going about their business Newcastle are a steady 11th in the league.
And so it came to pass that Mike Ashley, who’s biggest achievement at Newcastle has been downing a pint of generic piss within 5 seconds, decided to sack the man who won the Championship last season, got them up to midtable this term and thrashed Sunderland 5-1 having spent a grand total of two and a half beans and some pocket fluff this summer.
Has Kinnear recovered from
being a cunt his heart attack yet? Ashley has stated that Newcastle are looking for a manager with more experience and with around 600 games under his belt it would be hilarious if Ashley reinstated the prize cockney-sounding Irish twat. Though not so hilarious, one suspects, for Newcastle fans who I doubt would relish seeing JK (managed: 26. Won: 5) back at the helm.
Currently Alan Pardew – victim of another slightly odd sacking earlier this season – is the bookies’ favourite to replace Hughton*. A man who, after all, was sacked from League One Southampton could be deemed by Mashley to be the man do take Newcastle up to…what, Europa League places? Champions League qualification? The title? Which leads on to the next point.
What exactly were Newcastle’s aspirations for this season? I think that with their new sense of realism, Newcastle fans are actually quite happy with a mid table finish – consolidation being a good thing, before potentially kicking on and improving year on year. It does beg the question of quite what Mashley wanted to achieve this season.
The situation is almost laughable enough to make me want Newcastle to be relegated this season. Almost. In fairness, I don’t think the Newcastle fans deserve it – it’s horrible to a fan of a club that’s pretty much a laughing stock thanks to the man in charge – but if they do end up slipping down the table, the one comfort will be knowing that Mike Ashley has proved himself to be a tit almighty once again.
* Although as we write it looks like the Big Man (Martin Jol) has resigned from Ajax so could well be on his way to Newcastle. As someone said to me earlier, Newcastle had to have someone specifically lined up to take over the role to sack Hughton at this point in the season.